Eastern University Lacrosse

Since last time I checked in not much has happened.  I went home for the weekend to go to the final chapter of the Sharbaugh family graduates from Oyster River High School.  For most schools, graduation is some sort of torture device that has people sitting for hours on end just to see their child walk across stage and get handed a little booklet with a piece of paper in it that sums up all the work you have done over the last 4 or 5 years.  However, whenever I go to a graduation at Oyster River, I am always humored at how lightly the process is taken.

This year started just like any other, a bunch of kids with gowns, caps and aviator sun glasses marching into the ceremony wearing either flip flops or no footwear at all.  But when the Principal of the school stood up to give her opening comments, is when all madness broke lose.  The tradition of passing around beach balls was taken to a new level when in the first ten seconds of her speech, at least twenty beach balls were thrown into the air.  What even topped that was when the life size inflatable “Stone Cold” Steve Austin punching bag was thrown into the air and passed around.  Not only was I amazed at the creativity of finding the former WWF superstar in the form of an inflatable punching bag, but I also decided that I must have one for my room next year. 

I’m now back in Baltimore at the office and not much is going on.  Yesterday however, we recently split up the 72 high school players who have signed up for the Gait cup at Gettysburg College.  I am happy to say, that the team I have selected should make a run at the tournament.  My team consists of 16 kids from the best high schools in Georgia, a kid from Tennessee, one kid from Alabama, and my sleeper pick, the 6’ 8’’ Beau Bagley of Kentucky, and if all goes according to plan, I will turn Beau into the next great crease man for Eastern University and he will shatter the pathetic freshman scoring record set by a Sophomore…coughWAGNERcough.  I feel as though I have created a team with every ingredient necessary to go the distance.  Football powerhouse states, southern accents, and 6’ 8’’ high school midfielder named Beau, could this team be any more perfect?  Since I have four SEC football states present, I decided to stick with the theme and name the team “Team Teabow”, not because I’m a Tim Teabow fan necessarily (which I am), but because if my calculations are correct, everyone on the team hates him, so it should make for a good ice breaker.

 Since 85% of my summer job so far has been surfing the internet and reading useless stuff, it shouldn’t surprise some of you that I have read plenty of blogs.  My favorite being the club trillion blog, so I have decided to take one of his traditions and post a good video at the end of every entry, although this is an oldie, it is most certainly a goodie.  So check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F2d7M4Lbmw (I recommend any of the fantasy file video’s, but since Laurence Maroney is a Patriot, he is superior in every way to any other football player)

 And one last thing, in case the Phillie fans forgot, the Red Sox beat you twice without their entire starting line up, just FYI.

Go Sox.

        So this summer I am an intern for the FCA Lacrosse Ministry just North of Baltimore. We have been put up in this house that legitimately looks like it should be on MTV Cribs (Indoor basketball court, I have counted 4 40”+ LCD tv’s, personal gym about the same size as Eastern’s, air hockey table, old school power hockey table, ping pong table, pool table etc…) and that’s just in the basement. Now that you’re all jealous of my living arrangements for the summer I will continue with my story… I went to watch Timmy, who is the 11 year old that lives in the house we are staying in, play in his state lacrosse championship game. I got there expecting us to walk up to this little field with a bunch of kids trying to scoop up a lacrosse ball, so to say the least I wasn’t expecting much. What I didn’t realize, is that Lutherville lacrosse club, would compete for the DII national championship. I was almost peeing my pants as I watched their 5’3’’ LSM “Chazz” throw over the head checks on middies running down the sideline. On the next possession, I watched them run a slide and recover defense nicer than our slide drill ever looked last year. All I know is I took down some names and told them to fill out recruiting questionnaires at goeasterneagles.com. I mean, we played plenty of teams this year that struggled with their on the fly substitution, these 10 and 11 year olds were running mid line substitutions on the fly, it hurt my head just to think of how bad I was at that age and watching these kids. Another great part of the house I’m living at is that I am located no farther than two miles from St. Paul’s school for boys. If you haven’t heard of it, it is where Brandon Childs went for his high school education. I would just like to let you all know that Childs must not have had the rip he does now, because those nets did not want any of my Allie Fultzesque cannon (Allie is Matt Wagner’s girlfriend who shoots harder than him and has more assists than him). Needless to say I had to leave after I ripped the nets off both goals. I would also like to mention that Childs is not on the big board of alumni who donated to make those fields possible, well coach, maybe you can donate some new nets since the ones I shot on are now not even an option for use. Lastly I have a little story of our office’s sense of humor. Jon Colo, of Detroit, Michigan, is a goalie from Seton Hill University (not Seton Hall as everyone he has introduced himself to has responded with “oh Seton Hall up in New Jersey). Needless to say this has been a very stressful week for Jon with his beloved Red Wings in the Stanley Cup Finals. So last night we are Buffalo Wild Wings, and Jon, who has been checking his iPhone every three seconds to make sure he has the right time and channel for the game, asks our waiter if he will put the Red Wings game on. So our waiter leaves and Colo stairs helplessly at the projector waiting to see the igloo pop up as his Wings take the ice. About 10 minutes go by and the game isn’t on. At this point, Colo is starting to get a little anxious “why isn’t the game on yet”, “where is our waiter?” he starts saying sporadically. As our waiter walks by Colo asks him again if he can put the game on and the waiter says that he told his boss to put it on. Colo calmly explains that the game is on NBC and should be easy to find. So the waiter leaves and we see the manager flipping through the tv menu looking for the game. At this point Colo gets up to relieve his nerves in the bathroom. It is at this time that another intern named Thunder checks his iPhone and realizes the game is the next night, and that there is no hockey on the current night. Instead of explaining to Colo that he has his dates messed up and that he isn’t a true Red Wings fan, we decide to mess with him. Thunder deletes my name from his phone and I start texting him fake updates from the game. I start with a basic “O man, Crosby just scored they’re up 1-0.” At this point Colo is standing up looking around for our waiter to put the game on. He even starts saying quite loudly “what kind of country is this where the Stanley Cup isn’t even on basic cable.” So I text Matt again trying to increase the chance of Colo actually punching someone. Again I start small but get a little bigger. “Malkin just had a sick between the legs goal, 2-0 Pens.” Thunder goes to show my new update to Colo who responds with a loud and emphatic “DON’T SHOW ME THAT!” At this point we are all laughing out very loudly. Colo starts to look at us with a hint of suspicion in his beautiful eyes. At this point I decide to make it obvious that this is a hoax “Crosby just broke Datsyuk’s leg with a hit.” At this point we explain to Colo that the game is on the ninth. Colo storms out of the restaurant as we all roll out laughing. Yup, we are absolutely, the funniest, craziest interns that FCA has ever had in the summer of 2009.

How’s everyone doing?  My name is Dan Sharbaugh and I just finished up my four year career as an Eastern Lacrosse player.  Since I am the most important and interesting person that has ever graced the campus with my presence (may or may not have been the exact quote). Coach Childs has turned to me and assigned me to the important task of writing semi annually on his blog. Either way, I decided to share what is going on between the ears of Dan Sharbaugh.

First off, I would like to say welcome to all the incoming freshman, we are very excited to meet you all and know a little more about each of you, than you may think.  From the midfielders who get five penalties in a championship game, to a high school student whose team is sponsored by New Balance and has team Redneck Games (GO BRAVES!!!).  We won’t fully get to know you until you actual step onto Eastern’s campus. We are looking forward to it.

Just to share a little bit about my summer, I have recently perfected the game NHL 09 on Xbox 360.  Not only have I figured out how to be unstoppable in “Dynasty Mode”, but in my “Be a pro mode”, I have scored 150 points in just 40 games, which is more than Matt Wagner scored in his entire hockey/lacrosse career.

Although we have graduated 12 seniors, the freshman could fill the shoes at each position pretty easily considering we have the best player on the team returning for his junior season.  Yes, you will all play with the BPOT Matt Mandia this year, if you are lucky enough to get his autograph let me know, I will buy it off you for a pretty hefty amount. 

Enjoy your summer, and get jacked up for season, I know Hoff has already put 50 pounds on his bench press this summer alone (that’s 50 pounds total, not on his previous total). 

Later fellas,

Sharbs